60 DEGREES
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Wisconsin people sunbathe.

50 DEGREES
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Wisconsin people plant gardens.

40 DEGREES
Italian cars won't start.
Wisconsin people drive with the windows down.

30 DEGREES
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water begins to thicken.

20 DEGREES
Arizonians shiver uncontrollably.
Wisconsin people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 DEGREES
New York landlords finally turn up the heat after receiving a summons.
Wisconsin people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 DEGREES
Texans invade Mexico.
Wisconsin people give the bicycle one last spin.

20 BELOW
People in Miami cease to exist.
Wisconsin people get out their winter coats.

40 BELOW
California freeways are desolate.
Wisconsin's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 BELOW
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Wisconsin's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 BELOW
Mt. St. Helen's freezes over.
Wisconsin people rent a few videos for the evening.

100 BELOW
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsin people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 BELOW
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Wisconsin cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 BELOW
Atomic motion stops.
The Green Bay Packers win a Super Bowl under Ray Rhodes.

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