• You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
• Snow tires are standard on all your cars.
• At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
• You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
• You can identify a Michigan accent.
• You know what "cow-tipping" is.
• You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
• If "down south" to you means Chicago.
• If traveling coast-to-coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.
• The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee and Pabst.
• A brat is something you eat.
• You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
• You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
• You used to think Deer Season was an official school holiday.
• You know that Gotham is a real city.
• You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc.
• The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
• Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
• A Friday night date is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
• You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
• You go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
• You tell someone where you are from and they say, "I thought that was part of Canada."
• You know how to polka.
• Your formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap.
• Your children describe their summer vacation out-of-state as a "trip to Door County."
• You go to Florida in August to get a tan.
• You define "swimming season" as Labor Day weekend.
• Your 4th of July family picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• You have more fishing poles than teeth.
• You think the four basic food groups are Brats, Beer, Cheese and Chew.
• You were baptized with Blatz beer.
• You know where to look for a bubbler.

Here's More! (from Jennifer B.)

• You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
• Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
• You know how to pronounce "brat".
• You love it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer.
• You get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce "Wesconsin".
• You believe that badgers will always beat gophers.
• The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are.
• You tried to tap the Worlds Largest Six Pack.

More! (from John, a West Allis native)

• You learned to spell "Kinnickinnic" before you could spell "Mississippi."
• You can pronounce any word beginning with a "W" and ending in a vowel.
• You believe the Upper Peninsula of Michigan really belongs to Wisconsin.
• Know know that "Mawaukee" has no "L."
• You know that "Fongulac" is the city at the south end of Lake Winnebago.
• You know that Dells Ducks can't fly, but they can swim.
• You have driven your car on a lake.
• You check the brand of every bathroom fixture you encounter to see if it's a Kohler.
• You really did walk home from school as a child when the temperature was -20 F.
• You've gotten sea-sick on Lake Michigan.
• You don't need snow tires.
• You check the antifreeze in your car on Labor Day.
• You know that the most famous Bart is a Starr.
• You know how to play sheepshead.
• You know the difference between a Dairy Queen and frozen custard.

Even Worse (from a friend of Pam Crater's)

• Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
• You refer to the Packers as "we."
• You can recognize someone from Illinois by their driving.
• You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
• You have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
• You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London and Poland all in one afternoon.
• You consider Madison "exotic."
• You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
• You were offended by the movie "Fargo."

A Good One (from The Laubenstein Family of Hager City, WI)

• Your description of "Grilled Venison" includes a Buick, a snowy night and no mention of charcoal.

Groaners (from Pam Crater's sister DeDe of Hartland, WI)

• You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
• The mosquitoes have landing lights.
• You have more miles on your snow blower than your car and you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
• Your spouse uses ketchup on a charcoal grilled NY strip steak.
• Fleet-Farm on any Saturday is busier than a toy store at Christmas.
• You think a cultural night out is three games at the bowling alley wearing a collared shirt.
• You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
• You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
• You and your spouse own a "winter car" while the "good one" sits in the garage from Nov-Apr.
• You think everyone from south of Madison has an accent.
• You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
• You buy kitty litter every winter, but you don't own a cat.
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires six pages for sports (5 1/2 pages for the Packers...in July)!
• You've worn your winter coat to watch the fire works on the 4th of July.
• Your best shirt has a big letter G on it.
• You think it's nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50.
• At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery.
• Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
• You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
• You've ever said "Of course they'll win. They're God's team."
• You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the raccoons won't prowl on your deck.
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
• You find -20F a little chilly.
• You enjoy popsicles and fudgesicles in the dead of winter, although they are murder on your lips!
• In winter, the trunk of your car or your garage doubles as a deep freezer.
• You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snow boots, or worse, your galoshes.
• Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout
• You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction / Mosquito.
• You expect to have off of work whenever the Packers are playing.

From StarEyes:

• You pronounce Wisconsin as "Scon Sin."
• You refer to 7-Up or Sprite as "White Soda."

From Chris C. (somewhere in Wisconsin)

• You have a surplus of foam cheese hats in your closet
• You can tell the difference between "real Wisconsin cheese" and "that Illinois stuff"
• Your mechanic is John Deer certified
• You don't even notice the Original Wisconsin Ducks signs every ten miles.

From Wendy C. (a Milwaukee native now living in Kansas City):

• You don't consider any body of water to be a lake if you can see the other side.
• Your class took a field trip to a brewery...in second grade.
• You turn and look when someone shouts "hey, 'ski!"
• You know what "ain'a" means.

From Lynn A. (a Brookfield native now living in Raleigh):

• You never realized that girls don't drink beer.
• You were surprised to learn that used cars came without rust.
• Tennis shoes and tube socks are considered summer footwear.
• You never knew Wisconsin folks had an accent until you moved 1000 miles away.

From Chuck H. (of Madison):

• You know that when the groundhog sees his shadow it means six more MONTHS of winter.
• Your golf hat is made of red corduroy with ear flaps.

From Frank A. (a Milwaukee native now living in Falls Church):

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
• You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
• You use a down comforter in the summer.
• You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
• It takes three hours to go to the store for one item because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
• You buy Christmas presents at Fleet and Farm.
• Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
• Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
• You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
• You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

From Scott D. (a Green Bay Native):

• You "warsh" the dishes.
• And when you do so, you do them in the "zink".
• No matter where you travel you are always going "up".
• You tell someone "Imuna go to Fleet Farm" (meaning "I am going to").
• It's 32 degrees and your in shorts and a t-shirt.
• You are shoveling snow in May.
• You vacation in the Nort Woods...In your own state.
• As a kid you played outside even if it was below zero.

From Margaret P. (a cow girl):

• You use utterbalm as a lotion because it works better than anything else.
• You smell a farm and take a deep wiff as everyone else plugs their noses.
• You know that baby cows love sucking on fingers and you let them do it.
• You learned how to polka and milk a cow before you could walk.

From Murphy (This is what he gathered after living in Wisconsin for two years):

• When you go out to eat, the restaurant name has to include "Bar or Spirits".
• You end a sentence using the word with. Example: I'm going to the store you wanna come with.
• You actually think that the Packers team colors are green and gold instead of green and yellow.
• You worship a man by the name of FAVRE.
• YOu still think that the Brewcrew should have won that game in 1982.
• You go to a baseball game just to watch the wieners race.
• You think the only religion in America is Catholic.
• You think there is only one brand of soda...COKE.
• You go to McDonalds and order a Bratwurst.
• You check every kitchen sink for the words Insink-erator.
• You deny that you have a drinking problem with the words I'm Irish"

From Tracy W.:

• You eat at supper clubs instead of restaurants.

From Kristie S.:

• You know what a chicken Q is.
• You know what a brat bun us.
• You drink water from a bubbler.
• You get your money out of a TYME machine.
• People laugh at you when you say the word Wisconsin.
• You know what a Hmong is.
• In the winter, you start your car and go back in the house to finish your hair.
• There is a different "Fest" every weekend of the summer.
• You know what a June Bug is.
• You like Old Style, Blatz, Schlitz or Pabst.
• You know what leftse and chsses curs are.
• Your car has rust.

From Molly and Kenzy (Eau Claire):

• You have all the TV's and radios on during the Packer games.
• You keep your Christmas lights on all year long.
• You had no idea that girls don't swear.
• You have at least five mounted animals in your basement or living room and proud of them.
• Instead of telling scary stories around the campfire, you tell hunting and fishing stories for hours.
• Days are always short.
• You favorite bumper sticker is...my kid gave your honor roll student the answers to the test.
• Your feet, shoulders, and the top of your head are white year round.
• You had a near death experience when your snow fort caved in on you.
• You brag about that near death experience.
• Beer goes good with anything.
• Tractor pulls are the highest ranking spectator sport in your town.
• You go to a cattle auction whenever you go to a fair.
• Your long lost relatives come to visit just for the cheese curds.
• You know the lady at the drive through window.

From Mark H. (formerly from Fon-ja-lac and currently living in Charlotte, NC):

• You know that "come here once" doesn't necessarily mean just once.
• You pronounce "about" exactly like you pronounce "a boat".
• It doesn't seem odd that you drive to the Holy Land. How else would you get there?
• You think that Madison and Green Bay are big cities.
• The mall" is enough to describe where you're going.

Doug L. (Palmyra):

• You had more fun at the Dells than Disney World.
• You have ever drank Green Beer.
• You know that Muskego is bad translation for Mosquito.
• You could get someone a soda or a pop.
• A night on the town consists of the bars with a dress code.
• You have ever gone through a drive-through liquor store.
• You are better at driving through red cones than the police.
• You get bored driving without hills.
• You have ever closed one bar to go open the one next door.
• You know why not to mess with a H.O.G.
• A tear comes to your eye whenever a Harley passes you.
• You know what a harpsichord is.

From Mark J:

• People ask you where you worship on Sundays and you tell them you go to the Church of the Holy Packer at the Sacred Shrine of Lambeau. Out-of-towners don't get it nor do they laugh!!!

From Boni D. (somewhere close to Waukesha):

• You church holds "Theology on Tap" discussions at a local watering hole.
• You "grill out" all year long, but at Thanksgiving you move the grill next to the back door so you don't have to shovel the whole deck all winter.
• Plus the grill makes a great place to stash the turkey carcass after Thanksgiving dinner until you hve time to deal with it.

From Julie T.:

• You can use the world "humdinger" in a sentence.
• Your high school has a girls wrestling team.
• All the nearby festivals are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain or animal.

From Mike K.:

• The old tires placed on your split-rail fence are painted green and gold with different hub caps.
• A big night out involves the Elks Club.
• Your county sheriff is Polish.
• You tape the Polka Jamboree on Sunday.
• You've won a shotgun at a Ducks Unlimited Dinner.
• You own a bowling pin cribbage board.

From Kyle S.:

• You know that Kaukauna is NOT a Hawaiian Island.
• You know that De Pere is not a wooden structure extending into "Da Lake."

From Joshua J. (formerly from rural LaCrosse):

• You ever dumped a girl because you found out she was a Vikings fan.
• You think bar hopping should be an Olympic sport.
• You know at least five Ole and Lena jokes.
• You think deer season is an excuse not to shower.
• You spent more on beer than you did on food at your wedding.

From K.V. (Cambridge, Wisconsin):

• You order a brandy and your bartender actually knows what it is!

From Laura W. (Milwaukee):

• You end every sentence with the word "hey?" regardless if you are asking a question or answering one.

From Beth F. (Rhinelander, WI):

• Your bring your TV outside to watch the Packers play.
• You own more than 10 articles of blaze orange clothing.

From An Anonymous Friend:

• You own a gas powered ice auger.
• Your grandmother made you eat lutefisk.
• You liked it!
• You have been to a block party.
• Your first beer was an Old Milwaukee.
• You carry a backup set of jumper cables in your trunk.
• Your second beer was an Old Milwaukee.
• Despite what everyone else says, YOU DON'T HAVE AN ACCENT
  (for sure, you bet you don't).
• Part of your tongue is on a flagpole somewhere.
• You know that a Hot Dish is neither a beautiful woman nor an overheated plate.
• You actually listen to telemarketers.

From NCR (near Milwaukee).:

• You use words like "hey der" and "up nort."
• You consider bratwurst and sauerkraut to be gourmet food.
• You understand these jokes!