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You Might Be From
Wisconsin If

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Iowa Stuff

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Iowa: Just east of Omaha

Iowa: It's easy to spell

You Might Be From Iowa If . . .

  • You've never met any celebrities

  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway

  • "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland

  • You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular

  • You measure distance in minutes

  • Down south to you means Missouri

  • You know several people who have hit a deer

  • You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"

  • You know the answer to the question "Is this Heaven?"

  • Your school classes were cancelled because of cold

  • Your school classes were cancelled because of heat

  • You know where all the Yoders live

  • You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are

  • You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way

  • You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day

  • You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"

  • You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July

  • Stores don't have bags, they have sacks

  • You see people wear bib overalls at funerals

  • You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year

  • You end your sentences with an unnecessary exposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"

  • All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable

  • You can locate Iowa on the United States map

  • Detassling was your first job

  • You've been on a "Geode Hunt"

  • Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is
    twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice

  • You learn your pickup will run without a muffler

  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

  • When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say "It was different"

  • Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as the governor the whole time you were growing up

  • You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor

  • People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them

  • You carry jumper cables in your car

  • You drink "pop"

  • You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean

  • You know what "cow chips" are

  • You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction & DAMN HOT!

Since Kathy grew up in a town with about 400 people, the small town jokes may hit home for some of you

You Might Be From A Small Town If...

  • You can name everyone you graduated with

  • You know what 4-H is (and still remember the pledge)

  • You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road

  • Your idea of a FUN weekend was riding around parking lots because that was where EVERYBODY went

  • You swore at someone and your parents knew within the hour

  • You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting

  • School gets canceled for city, county, or state events

  • You were ever in the Homecoming parade

  • You have ever gone home for Homecoming

  • Homecoming was during Basketball season because your school had too few men for Football

  • Everyone thought it was really cool to date someone from the neighboring town

  • You had senior skip day (and organized to take your class photo at the park)

  • The whole school went to the same party after graduation

  • You don't give directions by street names, but something more like,
    "Turn right by Nelson's house, go two blocks east past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the ball field

  • The country club golf course had only 9 holes. (Or there wasn't even one.)

  • You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend

  • You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people"

  • The people in the city dress funny, then your town picks up on the trend a few years later

  • You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday

  • Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the Feed Store

  • You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town

  • The coach suggested that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger

  • Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference (if you had one)

  • The city council meets at the coffee shop or the farmer’s coop

  • Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday

  • You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over an ask if you need a ride

  • Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names

  • Your teachers remember when they taught your parents

  • The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles away

  • So is the closest shopping mall

  • It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower

  • You laugh your butt off reading this because you know they're all true


More, more! Send us more!
 E-mail your one liners to Pam Crater and she will
consider adding it to this list.

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